Chris Berman's famous homer' call, "back, back, back, gone!" We've all heard it, it's stuck in our metacorpis, septacorpis and Bermacorpis. I love it like I love Phil Collins, when his songs come on I immediately recognize it, play it in my head quickly and switch stations. Because Collins songs, for most of us, did not have impact like a Nirvana(for the 90's gen), Michael(80's) or Zeppelin(70's). But we do appreciate it and it strikes a little chord for all of the twitter-facebook-IPhone-cappuchino ice chai latte lite 1% stir no whip babeltar straw people in our society. But can you imagine listening to Phil Collins for THREE HOURS!? So on Monday night Fox aired a Phil Collins concert in prime-time for 3 hours. At least they could have and it would've had the same effect. The Home Run Derby is what I'm talking about people and as much as I love baseball, the home run is no more exciting than a stolen base or a strikeout.
What makes homers great during the season is when they mean something, so count out A-Rod's being exciting after August. Your team is down a run with a man on in the eighth and Prince Fielder or Nelson Cruz comes up and battles to get the count to 3-2. It seems like the pitcher has his number but all of a sudden they reach down and rip their body to knock the ball out of the park. That is excitement. Not watching "In the Air Tonight"... or batting practice homers. I'm sorry to say but basically every position player who has 100 at bats in a season is going to hit a home run. There is no differing style with the home runs, there are no flashy homers and blue collar type homers. No outrageous B list star athlete that is starring in a reality show homer or a homer that is dating a fading starlet. They all go over 400 feet and rarely hit 500, but when they do I'm not talking about it the next day! I talked about Vince Carter for weeks, even years after his Slam Dunk slamage earlier this decade, but not the Home Run Derby.
The reality is this is like Jurassic Park. The old Conservative man who wears glasses and loves to drink thought making larger than life creatures would bring in money and catch the imagination of children. The only problem is those huge creatures(roid heads or dinos) broke free from cages and started scarring children, destroying buildings and laying eggs(or shrinking their eggs). Bud Selig, like our friend the creepy business man in the movie, tested the natural order of things and got beat. He should've listened to Jeff Goldblum. Now Bud Selig does have a chance to save things from destruction because this last Home Run Derby is just proving how juiced the sport has been the last decade. But it also shows that players are clean right now. Trust ME. I guarantee you Joe Mauer, Brandon Inge and Carlos Pena are not roiding. If they are they should go back and get a rebate.
But the point is Bud Selig can save it by not making "The Lost World." In that sequel the creepy old business man took his dinosaurs off the island and brought them back to Los Angeles and then the creature took over LA and the citizens didn't seem to care too much. Woops. I forgot about Manny! Either way there will not be a Jurassic Park III for Bud Selig. So I'm sure your asking what can an old comish' do? Well why not get away from the roid run and add other exciting challenges for players to do. Like a Pitcher-Cather vs. Base Stealer. You put Josh Beckett on the mound and guys like Carl Crawford, BJ Upton, David Wright, Jose Reyes on first and then Yadier Molina behind the plate. One guy will be batting and if Beckett holds the runner, and strikes out the batter he gets 2 points. If there is a double play they get 3 points and if there is a strike 'em out throw 'em out you get 5 points. If the catcher and second baseman get the runner at second it's 2 points. And if the stealer gets second that's 3 points and if he gets third in the same at bat it's 5 points. You have two rounds and whoever gets the most points at the end will win a hundred thousand bucks for charity. You could have pitchers hitting and hitters pitching challenge. They could even do a double play exhibition where the batter is trying to hit it through the gaps and Kruck, Olney and the rest of the boys vote on the best ones. But the Home Run Derby won't leave, but we could change it.
What makes homers great during the season is when they mean something, so count out A-Rod's being exciting after August. Your team is down a run with a man on in the eighth and Prince Fielder or Nelson Cruz comes up and battles to get the count to 3-2. It seems like the pitcher has his number but all of a sudden they reach down and rip their body to knock the ball out of the park. That is excitement. Not watching "In the Air Tonight"... or batting practice homers. I'm sorry to say but basically every position player who has 100 at bats in a season is going to hit a home run. There is no differing style with the home runs, there are no flashy homers and blue collar type homers. No outrageous B list star athlete that is starring in a reality show homer or a homer that is dating a fading starlet. They all go over 400 feet and rarely hit 500, but when they do I'm not talking about it the next day! I talked about Vince Carter for weeks, even years after his Slam Dunk slamage earlier this decade, but not the Home Run Derby.
The reality is this is like Jurassic Park. The old Conservative man who wears glasses and loves to drink thought making larger than life creatures would bring in money and catch the imagination of children. The only problem is those huge creatures(roid heads or dinos) broke free from cages and started scarring children, destroying buildings and laying eggs(or shrinking their eggs). Bud Selig, like our friend the creepy business man in the movie, tested the natural order of things and got beat. He should've listened to Jeff Goldblum. Now Bud Selig does have a chance to save things from destruction because this last Home Run Derby is just proving how juiced the sport has been the last decade. But it also shows that players are clean right now. Trust ME. I guarantee you Joe Mauer, Brandon Inge and Carlos Pena are not roiding. If they are they should go back and get a rebate.
But the point is Bud Selig can save it by not making "The Lost World." In that sequel the creepy old business man took his dinosaurs off the island and brought them back to Los Angeles and then the creature took over LA and the citizens didn't seem to care too much. Woops. I forgot about Manny! Either way there will not be a Jurassic Park III for Bud Selig. So I'm sure your asking what can an old comish' do? Well why not get away from the roid run and add other exciting challenges for players to do. Like a Pitcher-Cather vs. Base Stealer. You put Josh Beckett on the mound and guys like Carl Crawford, BJ Upton, David Wright, Jose Reyes on first and then Yadier Molina behind the plate. One guy will be batting and if Beckett holds the runner, and strikes out the batter he gets 2 points. If there is a double play they get 3 points and if there is a strike 'em out throw 'em out you get 5 points. If the catcher and second baseman get the runner at second it's 2 points. And if the stealer gets second that's 3 points and if he gets third in the same at bat it's 5 points. You have two rounds and whoever gets the most points at the end will win a hundred thousand bucks for charity. You could have pitchers hitting and hitters pitching challenge. They could even do a double play exhibition where the batter is trying to hit it through the gaps and Kruck, Olney and the rest of the boys vote on the best ones. But the Home Run Derby won't leave, but we could change it.
Think about a three deck park. 10 players participate with ten outs but only play one round. If the batter is a lefty the left third deck is worth six points and the right first deck is worth one point and so on. It would be NL vs. AL and the winning team gets ONE MILLION DOLLARS divided for 5 players and they get to donate it to charity. You could even just put 4 homer hitters out there and do a horse style hitting exhibition. All these ideas are just that, ideas, and I'm sure people have even more. But that is the point, there should be real thought as to how to change the All Star Break into a real entertaining non stop action 3 day extravaganza. Bud Selig, please don't bring back Sam Neil for a third Jurassic Park. The Dinosaurs are extinct and baseball should realize it and get rid of the Dino Brawl that is the Home Run Derby.
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